


Running on Empty

by Hanatamago



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Happy Birthday Balthus :), Hurt/Comfort, Insomnia, M/M, Mutual Pining, Post-Timeskip | War Phase (Fire Emblem: Three Houses)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-10
Updated: 2020-07-10
Packaged: 2021-03-05 01:00:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,212
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25186027
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hanatamago/pseuds/Hanatamago
Summary: Some nights, Balthus forgets he’s not on the run anymore. It gets hard to sleep, and hard to think - harder than usual, that is! But he was handling it just fine on his own until Yuri had to come along and get all concerned...
Relationships: Balthazar von Adalbrecht | Balthus von Albrecht/Yuris Leclair | Yuri Leclerc
Comments: 8
Kudos: 37





	Running on Empty

**Author's Note:**

> Sometimes, you just have to write some self-indulgent hurt/comfort, because Balthus deserves nice things. So here's one for the Celebrated King of Grappling (and Belated Birthdays!)
> 
> I meant to post this on the actual day, but life tends to get in the way of things, doesn't it?

Some nights, just before Balthus started to fall asleep, his hands would itch. 

Not from the scabs lining his palms, and not from the faint sparks of discharged fire magic. Not from the dry mountain air, and not from the healing magic kicking his senses into overdrive.

His hands itched because he didn’t want to fall asleep. And he didn’t want to fall asleep because a decade of being on the run will do that to you.

Being a light sleeper might have worked out on the road, but it doesn’t do him any favors in war. The slightest bump would shake him awake when he was on the run. Advanced warning for a merc coming to collect their bounty. Tiny rustling was a lock being picked. Creaking wood was footsteps. Clanks in the tunnel were guards in heavy armor.

Even on the quietest nights, his body found ways to complain. His heart beat a little too fast, his breaths sounded all too loud. Sometimes, his hands itched, because they knew something was gonna go wrong.

Truth be told, his hands had a pretty shitty track record. Things could itch like he’d gotten handsy with poison ivy, and there would be no trouble for the whole moon. He might start getting cozy, then boom - bounty hunters.

So Balthus tried not to listen, but it was tough. Instead of sleeping, he stared at the cracks in the ceiling for an hour or two, until a draft from the vents blew his candle out, leaving only a tiny puff of smoke.

Balthus sighed, gruff and weary.

No use re-lighting the thing. No use trying to sleep, either. Tired as he was, sleep tended to evade him at times like these. On nights like these, the only way Balthus ever got any rest was by passing out. The bar closed hours ago, and he finished off the last of his personal stash of booze a while back. So, in lieu of a good drink to knock him out, Balthus headed out to the arena for a bit of training.

Each fist he landed against the bean-stuffed dummies took him a little farther away. Each kick, each block, and each dodge against a phantom soldier’s strikes made the itch fade a bit. His mind quieted down until his own breathing was the loudest thing in the room. Until his looping motions flowed into one another like water. Until he felt numb.

Hard to say how long he kept at it. Not like there was any point in keeping track. Balthus stopped only when he was too tired to take another step. When it felt like he might not even make the walk back. Sometimes he didn’t - but hey, people just thought he passed out drunk the night before. Seemed enough in character for him that no one ever thought too far into it.

“Balthus, is that you?”

Balthus whirled around, searching for Yuri’s silvery voice echoing through the arena.

“You’re up late.” Soon enough, the man in question emerged from the shadows of the tunnels. Thank the Goddess for that, because his eyes were a little too bleary from sleep to pick him out in the crumbling rows above. “...Something up with you, friend?”

“Just training.” Balthus took a shaky step back from the training dummy and wiped the sweat from his brow.

“Cut the shit.” Yuri’s lips set into a firm, skeptical line. “You’re a terrible liar.”

“Hey, hey, no shit to cut, I swear.” Balthus fidgeted with his hand wraps. “You really telling me you’re gonna complain about me staying in top shape? There’s a war going on out there, Yuri. Can’t waste a moment.”

As far as excuses went, it wasn’t awful, but Yuri always saw right through him. Lost cause, really - lying to him. Damn it all, Yuri was the last guy he wanted walking in on him like this. Not a matter of pride, just… Yuri had enough shit to deal with, the least he could do was be strong for the guy.

“I know what training looks like, Balthus. This isn’t training.” Yuri rolled his eyes and stepped onto the center platform alongside Balthus. 

“Doesn’t look like you’re in top shape, either.” Yuri said, frowning. “You okay?” 

Balthus nodded like that’d somehow convince him. It didn’t. Course it fuckin’ didn’t.

“I’m fine, Yuri. Swear to the Goddess.”

“Let me see that.” Yuri carefully, but firmly took one of Balthus’s hands in his own. “You’re bleeding.”

Ah… Shit. Balthus hadn’t noticed that. Still, he shrugged it off.

“Heh, I’m not so gentle, pal. I fight with my hands, Yuri. It happens.”

And it did happen. That part wasn’t a lie. Punch enough guys out and you’re bound to take a little punishment yourself. But training himself into an injury would only hurt them in battle. Nothing he couldn’t heal up, of course, but still...

Yuri’s eyes narrowed.

“Come on. My room. You need to get some sleep.” Yuri turned back to the tunnels, cloak sweeping around him with a dramatic ripple. He began to walk away without so much as looking behind him.

“I’m fine. Seriously.” Balthus mumbled.

“If you’re about to think about refusing, then consider it an _order_ , Balthus.” Yuri paused to cast an icy gaze over his shoulder.

“Okay, okay - sheesh! Don’t vaporize me, buddy.”

The walk to Yuri’s chambers wasn’t long, but it sure was unsettling. Balthus knew he should have something to say when Yuri pressed, but he just… couldn’t think of anything. Even if he _was_ gonna spill the beans, what would he say? That he just couldn’t sleep? How could Yuri trust him to watch his back that way? That he thought someday, some bounty hunter would get down into Abyss, and he didn’t trust Yuri to keep him safe?

That his damn hands just _itched_ sometimes?

No way to explain all this shit without making Yuri think he was weak, unreliable, or crazy.

Yuri ushered Balthus into his room and shut the door. He locked it, too. Not that locks really did much good down in Abyss, but in the time it took most guys to pick Yuri’s door open, they thought better of it. Heh, if Yuri caught wind of anything like that, the fools would be out on their asses, exiled even from the land of exiles.

“Sit.” Yuri brushed him towards the bed. “I’ll make tea.”

Balthus opened his mouth to protest, but the defiant spark in Yuri’s eyes shut him right up.

‘ _Try me_ ,' he seemed to say. For a moment, Balthus almost wanted to apologize for all the hassle. But then, that seemed like just as wrong of an answer.

He shrugged and plopped down onto Yuri’s stiff mattress. Guy must sleep like a rock to find this comfy. Maybe he did, though. All the thinking he did every day probably tired him out enough…

Yuri tossed a few logs onto the fireplace, setting it alight with a torch. Warm vanilla bloomed through the air, laced with a snap of sharp cinnamon. Nice, calming aromas that wrapped around him like a nice, warm blanket. 

Maybe not a nice enough blanket to put him to sleep, but enough to make him feel all fuzzy and shit. Yuri always seemed to be an expert at that sort of thing. Well… Balthus wasn’t obtuse enough to lie to himself. Sure, the guy was a great cook, and he had a real good taste for booze, but that wasn’t exactly why his presence put Balthus at ease. And maybe there was more than one reason he never wanted Yuri to see him so weak.

A tankard slid into his hands, breaking him out of his trance. The tea-warmed metal bands felt nice against his skin - warm but not scorching. Yuri had mixed a hefty spoonful of cream in with the tea and fragrant spices.

Some foreign specialty - Balthus forgot the name, though. Something Dagdan maybe? Heh, Balthus was pretty skeptical the first time he had it, but it grew on him. Would’ve been a bit too sweet, but the spice offset it perfectly.

But as much as Balthus would have liked to drown Yuri’s tea and the soft, warm firelight, he knew that the moment he looked up, he’d have to meet Yuri’s piercing gaze.

“So, do you want to tell me what’s going on in there?” Yuri whispered, tone far softer than Balthus expected. “Or would you rather continue to be self-destructive?”

“Damn, you really don’t beat around the bush.” Balthus grimaced.

Yuri carried the whole of Abyss on his back. Damnit. Why was Balthus stupid enough to add his own baggage to that? Too late now. He’d already seen Balthus’s (admittedly reckless) exhaustion ritual, so it wasn’t like he could really backtrack.

“Not much to tell. I couldn’t sleep. That’s the whole of it.” Balthus shrugged and took a sip of his scalding tea. He nearly jumped at the heat, but jumping would ruin his whole fake nonchalance, yeah?

“Burn your tongue?” Yuri asked, not bothering to hide his amusement.

Ah, whatever. Balthus grumbled and set the tea on Yuri’s side table to let it cool. Scorching as it was, it was still pretty tasty. It’d be tastier when it hurt less, though.

“You don’t have to tell me anything, Balthus. But if it would help, then I want you to know that you can.”

“Heh, is that an order, Boss?” Balthus joked. Well, it was supposed to be a joke, but a bit of bitterness seeped into his tone. “I didn’t mean that.”

“It’s not.” Yuri frowned. The kinda frown that looked more than a little hurt. Not bitter, not angry, just… Hurt. And damn if it didn’t make Balthus hurt, too. Quick as it came, the frown vanished from Yuri’s face, leaving expertly feigned neutrality behind. “If you really want to leave, I won’t stop you, friend.”

“Nah,” Balthus shook his head. “Sorry, I’m just a little… Little off, that’s all.”

“I can tell.” Yuri placed his hands over Balthus’s. Thin, pale digits delicate over the lumpy grey panels of his hand wraps. “Can I take these off?”

Balthus nodded. Wraps were a bit tricky, though, so it was no surprise that Yuri had a bit of trouble figuring 'em out. 

"Here," Balthus murmured, untucking the end of the cloth strips from below his wrist. Balthus showed him carefully - slowly, like in some universe, Yuri might want to do it again. Heh, the sleep deprived-mind was a strange thing. Maybe Yuri would take ‘em off for his funeral, if he was still in few enough pieces to bury.

Yuri’s palms brushed up against the back of his hands, skin to skin. And Goddess, Yuri’s skin managed to stay so damnably soft. Callused, sure, but way softer than any swordsman he’d ever met before. How Yuri managed it, Balthus would never know.

Not that Balthus should spend so much thought on that sort of thing… But he did.

Yuri carefully unwound the wraps, uncovering bruised and bloody knuckles below. His eyes hardened a touch, but he’d seen worse. He’d seen much worse on Balthus, for that matter. Yuri just shook his head in silent disapproval.

"Really did a number on yourself, didn’t you?" 

Yuri tenderly swept his fingers over the wounds, sending white magic through his skin. Warm sparks enveloped their intertwined hands, coaxing his skin to mend itself.

"You should see the other guy."

Heh, sure, it was a stupid, weak half-joke, but it made Yuri smile a bit, so it was worth it.

They melted into a soft sort of silence, nothing as tense as before. Yuri worked through his wounds between sips of tea. Admittedly, there were a few more than Balthus remembered. Not _bad_ shit or anything, but a ton of scrapes and bruises that hadn’t healed over naturally since the last battle.

Hey, he had felt fine then - no use in taking up a cot in the medical tent if he was still on his feet, right? Heh, if he said that aloud, Yuri probably would have smacked him. Or glared, maybe.

Still, much as Yuri probably wanted to scold him for it, he didn’t. Here and there, Balthus caught tiny, fond smiles flickering across Yuri’s lips as he traced over the scars with his healing touch.

It was nice. He wouldn’t admit it, but this was way nicer than punching himself into exhaustion. Sitting here, comfortable, sipping on tea with the only fire crackling in the back and the soothing hum of faith magic. Sure, it didn’t put him on the edge of sleep or anything, but his heart slowed a beat or two. With Yuri at his side, it was harder to think seriously about skipping town again.

Maybe it’d keep Abyss safe, but he’d lose out on shit like this, too. Whatever this was.

“So what were _you_ doing?” Balthus wondered aloud.

"Pardon?" Yuri hummed. 

"You're up late too, y'know. Couldn't sleep either?"

"Not quite," He chuckled. "Had some business to take care of - the kind of thing best done in the dark."

"Ah. Cool, cool." Balthus finished off his tea with a deep chug and set it aside. He was doing secret shit, then. Not that Balthus really cared to know all the exact details of his solo ventures, but he was curious. No use prying, though.

"But… Some nights, I may also have a little trouble sleeping. You're not alone in that."

"I'm here if you want to talk about it."

"Seems unfair, doesn't it? I’d tell you all about my vulnerabilities, and you’d refuse to do the same?" 

Balthus flushed. "C'mon, it's not like that."

"Oh? And what is it like?” Yuri cocked an eyebrow. “And don't tell me you don't have anything to share. We both know that’s bullshit.”

Blunt as ever, wasn’t he? Balthus groaned.

"You don't need to be guarded with me, friend." He frowned. "We're past all that, aren't we?"

And, well, he had a point. Hard to nearly die alongside a guy a half dozen times and come out distrustful. Any reservations he had with Yuri, he checked at the door a long time ago. If Balthus could possibly expect Yuri to put any faith in him, then he had to show that faith right back. And he did! Mostly, Balthus would trust Yuri with his life, but it was a different thing to trust the guy with the inside stuff.

"Yeah, we are... I just don't want you to worry about me. I'll be fine, yeah? Abyss needs you a hell of a lot more than I do."

“Oh, you stupid, silly man.” Yuri sighed. “That’s why you won’t tell me? You think I can’t wrangle both of my favorite disasters at once?”

“Disaster, huh? Harsh.”

“Heh, it’s as much as you deserve. Come here.” Yuri set his tea aside and gently pulled Balthus onto the bed, resting his head in Yuri’s lap.

“You’re no burden, so don’t go thinking that. And for that matter, your attempts to make me worry less have only served to worry me more. A lot more.”

“Sorry.” Balthus said, sheepish.

“You never learned to take care of yourself properly, did you?” Yuri’s fingers slipped into his hair. Pass by pass, he began smoothing out the little tangles. The intimacy of it all… Felt like something out of a dream - and peaceful one at that. One without all this fighting.

“Hey, that’s what the booze is for, right?” Balthus let out a half-hearted laugh. “Quiets all those pesky thoughts.”

"And yet, here you are, not drunk, but training to exhaustion. Care to explain?”

"Helps me sleep." Balthus said. Yuri shot him a skeptical look. "Hey, don't knock it 'till you try it."

"Maybe one day. Before the war, if I couldn't sleep, I would bury my head in a book until the letters turned to mush. Pretty effective, or it was back then."

"Must’ve been some boring books. What kept you up?"

Balthus hadn’t really been expecting Yuri to answer, but he did. Sothis be damned.

"A lot of things kept me up. Aelfric. Abyss. Outside gangs. But…" He hesitated, "When I was younger, I never stayed in one place for too long. Wherever I went, however much I cozied up with lords or bandits, it was only a matter of time before they'd turn on me. So eventually, instead of sticking around to get hurt, I ran off before they got the chance."

Yuri’s trust was a careful, delicate thing. But at that moment, it seemed pointed. Maybe because even Balthus, obtuse as he tried to play it, couldn’t ignore the familiarity of it all. Maybe Yuri knew that, too.

"Sorry, pal."

"Can’t be too bothered by it. It taught me good instincts, yeah?” Yuri smiled. “Abyss is the first home we’ve had in a long while… Some nights, I still wonder if the Goddess is pulling a long con - if all of this is set to blow up in my face. Crazy, right?"

“Not that crazy. But I doubt it. You’re smart as hell, Yuri. Whatever comes our way, we’ll handle it together.”

“Together, huh?”

“Your brains, my brawn - we’re pretty unstoppable, you know.” Balthus grinned. “Whatever it is. The Empire, demonic beasts, god-like creatures raised by ancient dark magic. We’ll handle it.”

"Hm. Somehow, I believe that, oddly specific as that last one was." Yuri laughed. And was that… the faintest hint of a blush? Yuri turned away, busying himself with his tea before Balthus could get a proper look. “You’ll watch my back, right?”

“Always.”

“Then trust me to do the same.” Yuri said. “It’s hard to stop running, but you can rest now.”

“Don’t know if I can, but I’ll try.”

“When I was little, if I couldn’t sleep, my mother would sing to me…” Yuri blushed in earnest this time. Heh, pretty cute, honestly - even if he was pointedly staring at the bedsheets, and not Balthus. “I uh… Don’t really remember all the words, but hopefully you’ll be asleep by the time I start forgetting.”

“Damn. You really do care.” Balthus couldn’t tamp down the shit-eating grin crossing his face. Hey, Yuri didn’t sing for _anyone_ except the kids. And, well, Balthus wouldn’t usually want to be lumped in with a bunch of Abyssian youngsters, but he’d take it if it meant he got a song out of Yuri.

“Oh, quit your smirking.” Yuri smacked his shoulder, clearly flustered. Damnit, he was real cute like that, too. “I can still throw you out on your ass, you know.”

“Not smirking! Honest, pal!” Balthus laughed. “I’m just happy you trust me so much.”

“Well, someone’s got to deal with you.” Yuri pinched the bridge of his nose, but there was no hiding his fond smile. “Close your eyes, then.”

“Right, well, deal with me all you like.” His eyes slipped shut.

The fire was warm enough, but not too bright. The tea was calming, but not too sweet. Yuri’s hands were perfectly gentle carding through his hair, and his own hands no longer seemed to itch. For the first time in nearly a week, sleep really did call him.

“Get some rest, Balthus." Yuri whispered, "I'll be here when you wake up."

**Author's Note:**

> Come say hi on Twitter :)  
> [@hanatamagos](https://twitter.com/hanatamagos)


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